Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Everybody in Russia Loves Raymond

Everybody in Russia Loves Raymond

Weren’t you wondering what the creator of TV’s Everybody Loves Raymond has been up to since CBS stopped airing new episodes in 2005? The Miami Herald assumes you were. Turns out Phil Rosenthal is doing his part for humanity by making sure that everyone, no matter color, creed or class, gets their own knock off version of the iconic show.

Everybody Loves Kostya has become a huge hit in Russia, thanks in part to Rosenthal’s artistic integrity. One of the biggest battles for Rosenthal’s artistic soul came as a result of Russian producer’s desire to make Kostya’s (Russian for Raymond) wife a glamorous society lady who cleaned their home wearing high heels and cocktail dresses. Rosenthal fought back:

“I didn’t want them to be dressed as Americans; I wanted it to be relatable to
Russians,” says Rosenthal, who, exasperated, asks the stubborn costume designer,
“Do you dress like that when you clean the house?”Eventually, Rosenthal won his
battle. “I got a new costume lady, and she was totally normal.”

Sony Pictures is also planning on releasing versions of Everybody Loves Raymond in Egypt, Israel, The Netherlands and India. Stay tuned to the best of the Herald so that we can keep you posted on who the Herald invariably pays a salary to so they can cover that bullshit as well.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Barbie Convention Goers Rival Her Intelligence

As if there weren't enough of a weirdo population in South Florida, Mattel has decided to up the ante and have the National Barbie Doll Collector's Convention here on our strange-loving shores.

Barbie sales, as you may not know, are still growing more than 10 percent a year. Not bad for a franchise that started over 50 years ago.

“Yes, Barbie is an older woman,” says staff writer Daniela Abratt. Thanks. I really couldn't do the math on that when you told me she was over 50 years old.

As this is a collector's convention, there are definitely some notable attendees. Sandi Holder, one of the stranger collectors, is losing herself in a Barbie Dream Land to forget her mounting debt. “At the Convention, we try not to talk about the real world,” she says. Funny enough, if you replace the word “Convention” with “newsroom,” you basically have the philosophy of the Herald. Not this article, though. This one has international significance.

Another weirdo, Eric Chatillon from France, only collects classic Barbies that remind him of his aunt. Ever since he dropped a doll from the 10th floor of his family's apartment as a child and broke its leg he's never been unkind to another one.

Lastly, we have the “brand manager,” or in layman's terms, “spineless PR person” Katie Phillips, who makes Barbie seem like she's as great as The New Deal.“I thought I could do anything because Barbie could,” said Phillips, who must of obviously lacked some real in-the-flesh role models to be taking her cues from a doll. But then, she probably wouldn't work for Mattel if she didn't.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Shocking! Bang Bus Star is also an Aquarius

On the front page of The Miami Herald's Saturday edition is an important story about the tragedy in Norway, a significant piece about the debt talks, a profile on our Governor's campaign manager and most important of all, a Pulitzer-level investigative masterpiece about a porn star and some goats.
"His nickname is The Monster. And if you don’t know why, then you probably haven’t seen his body of work." (Get it?)
Now, Raul Amenteros, aka Ramon as he's known in the porn industry, isn't doing anything remotely sexual with these goats. No, he just wants to sacrifice them for his religion. That's because Armenteros is a Santero and killing animals is a big part of life.

Armenteros was arrested after police got reports of a van with strange noises coming out of it on Northwest Seventh Street and 37th Avenue. When they opened the van they found eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, four goats and one duck. The Herald staff meanwhile, they found an opportunity use the word porn in a headline twice.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Profile: South Florida's Newest Mogul

Meet Jon Zobel: a young sneaker head so successful that someone on the Herald staff decided that he required an article in Tropical Life. Zobel first rose to prominence in the sneaker head game in November 2010 when he turned the $500 that he made from his Bar Mitzvah into $2000 by flipping sneakers. #lchaimswag

What's amazing about Jon Zobel is the dedication that he shows to his craft: He spends hours every day cleaning shoes that never leave the room they're stored in. When he does don a pair he walks heel-to-toe so nothing but the bottom of the sole touches the ground. He's so dedicated that his mother says he gives 250% into everything he does. Not 100%, not 110%, not even 150%...250%.

This lead us at Best of the Herald to believe that there might be something a little off about this kid. Something that reminds us a lot of Asperger Syndrome.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

This should cut down on taxes...

 Miami-Dade cop accused of robbing gambler

A Miami-Dade police officer was arrested early Tuesday, accused of pulling a man over and stealing more than $120,000 from him, police said.

I'm glad cops are finally getting the real criminals. Especially by my house. I'm tired of doing it, myself.

Monday, May 17, 2010

It's always good to see press releases in the newspaper

Comcast rebrands services as `Xfinity'

"Comcast has rebranded its television, phone and Internet services as Xfinity for South Florida customers. The company is still named Comcast, but all services will now be referred to as Xfinity."
It's too bad that they won't just change their name to Xfinity. Then, we'd really be living in an idiocrcacy. I'd eat double downs and watch it all day.

I miss all the important news...

Where was I?